I'm not sure where the last 6 months have gone, but to make up for it, I give you this story. Fortunately for me, this happened to a co-worker of mine. She gave me permission to share it.
In her own words, this is how the conversation went...
Patron: Suzy...you pregnant?
Me: Um, no ma'am.
Patron: Well, you must just be bloated today. How old are you?
Me: Uh, 30.
Patron: Well, you have 5 years 'til those eggs dry up.
Me: Oh. Uh, ok. Thanks... and have a nice day?!?!
Rule of thumb: never ask a girl if she's pregnant and DEFINITELY don't follow it up with another insinuation that she looks fat--this is not a good cover-up strategy.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Friday, October 8, 2010
Psychic Librarian
Today's phone conversation proves I have not been blessed with the ability to read people's minds...
Me: "Pleasantville Library, can I help you?"
Patron: "Yes."
**Insert long and uncomfortable pause here.**
Me: "Hello?"
Patron: "Yes."
Me: "How can I help you?"
Patron: "I want to see what's due on this card." *Spouts off library card number.*
Now we're getting somewhere! Unfortunately, as a general rule, librarians don't know what you want or need until you tell them. The first step to recovery is admitting that you need help, so at least this patron is on the right track. However, we appreciate those of you who are able to articulate not only that you need help, but what you need help with, on the first try.
Me: "Pleasantville Library, can I help you?"
Patron: "Yes."
**Insert long and uncomfortable pause here.**
Me: "Hello?"
Patron: "Yes."
Me: "How can I help you?"
Patron: "I want to see what's due on this card." *Spouts off library card number.*
Now we're getting somewhere! Unfortunately, as a general rule, librarians don't know what you want or need until you tell them. The first step to recovery is admitting that you need help, so at least this patron is on the right track. However, we appreciate those of you who are able to articulate not only that you need help, but what you need help with, on the first try.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
You Know You're a Librarian when...
...you give people the evil stare when they're being too loud--even when you're at a concert.
...you walk in to a fast food restaurant and a little kid points and yells to her mom "HEY! THAT'S THE LADY FROM THE LIBRARY!!!"
...you look to see if the barcode on your personal DVD case matches the barcode on the disc.
...you slowly start migrating towards the colorful new cardigans in every clothing store you walk in to.
...you contemplate getting a chain for your glasses so you can stop spending half your day trying to figure out where you laid them down last.
...you associate the transactions in your online bank account with the Dewey Decimal System.
...you start writing a blog about your crazy patrons to keep your sanity intact.
...you walk in to a fast food restaurant and a little kid points and yells to her mom "HEY! THAT'S THE LADY FROM THE LIBRARY!!!"
...you look to see if the barcode on your personal DVD case matches the barcode on the disc.
...you slowly start migrating towards the colorful new cardigans in every clothing store you walk in to.
...you contemplate getting a chain for your glasses so you can stop spending half your day trying to figure out where you laid them down last.
...you associate the transactions in your online bank account with the Dewey Decimal System.
...you start writing a blog about your crazy patrons to keep your sanity intact.
Friday, September 24, 2010
National Punctuation Day
Today September 24th is National Punctuation Day so Im giving my punctuation the day off consider doing the same with yours but just for today
Monday, September 13, 2010
Duct Tape: Problem Solved
Unfortunately, I was out the day this particular story takes place, but as told to me by my co-worker (we'll call her Olivia), with a few of my own comments thrown in...
Olivia decided to answer some phone calls during the busier part of the afternoon to help relieve some of the stress at the circulation desk. She received a phone call from a woman that went something like this:
"Terry Library, this is Olivia, can I help you?"
"Well, first of all, I'm blind. Like really blind. And I also just had surgery and they messed up my brain...I was wondering if you could help me find some duct tape. I have about 6 rolls here that people have gotten me and they're all the wrong kind. They don't listen to me. I need the kind with those strings in it. The really tough kind. Do you know what I'm talking about?"
"Yes, ma'am. I believe Duck brand duct tape, like d-u-c-k duck has that kind of duct tape. Let me see if I can look it up..."
Meanwhile the woman proceeds to explain why she needs this sort of tape...
"See, these maintenance men at my apartment think they can come in whenever they want. They're trying to sabbotage me. They drive really fast over the speedbump in front of my apartment to make lots of noise, and one day they even hit an elderly woman! In fact, this morning I woke up to find one of them maintenance men starring me in the face! I tried all these other kinds of duct tape on my door, but they just keep pulling it off!"
(Side note: this is the same patron that has called a few times asking how to keep the microwaves from coming down through space through her microwave and into her brain. Our suggestion? Cover her head with aluminum foil.)
Olivia decided to answer some phone calls during the busier part of the afternoon to help relieve some of the stress at the circulation desk. She received a phone call from a woman that went something like this:
"Terry Library, this is Olivia, can I help you?"
"Well, first of all, I'm blind. Like really blind. And I also just had surgery and they messed up my brain...I was wondering if you could help me find some duct tape. I have about 6 rolls here that people have gotten me and they're all the wrong kind. They don't listen to me. I need the kind with those strings in it. The really tough kind. Do you know what I'm talking about?"
"Yes, ma'am. I believe Duck brand duct tape, like d-u-c-k duck has that kind of duct tape. Let me see if I can look it up..."
Meanwhile the woman proceeds to explain why she needs this sort of tape...
"See, these maintenance men at my apartment think they can come in whenever they want. They're trying to sabbotage me. They drive really fast over the speedbump in front of my apartment to make lots of noise, and one day they even hit an elderly woman! In fact, this morning I woke up to find one of them maintenance men starring me in the face! I tried all these other kinds of duct tape on my door, but they just keep pulling it off!"
Her findings? Ultimate Duck brand duct tape. According to the website, it has the "best performance in extreme indoor/outdoor conditions." Excellent. I would definitely classify this woman's condition as extreme.
After hearing about this ultimate duct tape, this patron was extremely thankful and asked Olivia to repeat all the details so she could record it and play it back to her supposedly incompetent duct tape scouts.
Olivia made sure to add a disclaimer: "Even though I gave you information about this duct tape, I cannot guarantee that it will fix your problem."
The woman didn't seem too concerned--"Oh, I understand," she said. "What's one more roll of duct tape?"
This is another case that proves the theory the world seems to cling to: librarians know everything.(Side note: this is the same patron that has called a few times asking how to keep the microwaves from coming down through space through her microwave and into her brain. Our suggestion? Cover her head with aluminum foil.)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Illiterate=Broken Computers
A woman came in last night, walked up to the front desk, and confidently proclaimed: "I'm illiterate!"
She followed that with: "Meaning...if you put me on one of those machines over there *points to the computers*, I'll break it."
I was puzzled by how these two things connected. Should I then conclude that any patron who is unable to read should be banned from computer use to keep from having to replace all of them on a daily basis? And how exactly does the fact that one can't read increase one's chances of breaking a technological device?
What she really wanted was for us to show her books about bees and bee keeping, which she didn't want to look up herself, apparently in fear of breaking the computer. We showed her the section, which was not a problem in the slightest since we do that sort of thing all day, but I wasn't sure it was going to do much good--how, may I be so bold to ask, is she going to read these books if she's illiterate?
She followed that with: "Meaning...if you put me on one of those machines over there *points to the computers*, I'll break it."
I was puzzled by how these two things connected. Should I then conclude that any patron who is unable to read should be banned from computer use to keep from having to replace all of them on a daily basis? And how exactly does the fact that one can't read increase one's chances of breaking a technological device?
What she really wanted was for us to show her books about bees and bee keeping, which she didn't want to look up herself, apparently in fear of breaking the computer. We showed her the section, which was not a problem in the slightest since we do that sort of thing all day, but I wasn't sure it was going to do much good--how, may I be so bold to ask, is she going to read these books if she's illiterate?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sorry I Asked
I casually walked past a gentleman that's a frequent patron to our library and smiled. I should learn not to do that.
Him: "How are you?"
Me: "I'm pretty good. How are you?"
I feel like our culture has become almost like robots when greeting each other, and unfortunately I was in robot mode...
His response?
"Well, I went to the ATM to get $1000 out and they put $20s in the $100s spot, so I got a bunch of $20s and now I have to wait 7 to 10 days to get my other $800. That's how it's going."
Sorry I asked.
Him: "How are you?"
Me: "I'm pretty good. How are you?"
I feel like our culture has become almost like robots when greeting each other, and unfortunately I was in robot mode...
His response?
"Well, I went to the ATM to get $1000 out and they put $20s in the $100s spot, so I got a bunch of $20s and now I have to wait 7 to 10 days to get my other $800. That's how it's going."
Sorry I asked.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)